# Offloaders ## Leah Cypess ### Asimov's Science Fiction, March/April 2022 --- **South Rorin Giveaways Group** **681 Members** **Tap here for group info** **_Group Rules_**     Liz: Twenty bags of mixed clothes, ages 3 months to adult. Must take all.     Liz: Sourdough starter. Prefer to give to someone who will use it. Message me!     Liz: Blue dress, size 6, has a slight rip at the hem that could be easily sewn up.     Olwu: Liz, I don’t want to be rude, but WHY are you giving away all this stuff? You looked AWESOME in that dress at the gala last year.     Steph: LOL seriously? It’s been a stressful year, what with the upload controversy and all the negativity around that. Am I the only one who’s been stress-eating? I definitely don’t fit into the dress I wore to the gala last year!     Olwu: Okay, but seriously, Liz, WHY are you giving away the dress?     Cassandra: Guys, can you move this offline? It’s fascinating, but my post giving away three boxes of used kids’ books is getting lost in all the traffic.     Olwu: Actually, I think this IS relevant. I’m happy to be part of this group in general, and you know I give away a LOT of great stuff. But I’m NOT okay with helping someone who’s been sucked into the whole uploading cult.     Keira: Whoa. That’s a bit of a leap, don’t you think.     Olwu: No, it isn’t. Check out Liz’s posts from the past couple of weeks. On Monday she gave away a BRAND NEW pair of jeans from Sawavani. What do those cost, like, four hundred credits? Tell me why she’d be giving that away, unless she plans on not having a body to wear jeans with?     Cassandra: Because Sawavani has a 15-day return policy, that’s why. And they are totally inflexible about it. Even for loyal customers who have spent thousands of credits on them over the years and just couldn’t make their minds up about one relatively inexpensive scarf. I have entirely stopped shopping there.     Sima (moderator): This really isn’t the place for this, please see the group rules. Thank you.     Olwu: If someone here is being uploaded, I think we all have a right to know. Once she’s part of the hivemind, EVERYONE will know what she knows.     Steph: So everyone will know that your kids won’t drink oat milk but you keep buying it for them anyhow and then giving it away two days before the expiration date?     Olwu: I just don’t think people have a right to upload themselves and share all their personal knowledge with thousands of strangers without getting consent from the people whose secrets they know. Which includes EVERYTHING posted on this group.     Matti: Look, I don’t want to sound preachy, but our planet can no longer sustain us physically. If those of us who can afford to upload don’t do it _now_, we’re basically consigning the rest of humanity to extinction. And humanity contains a disproportionate number of women and people of color. So here’s our choice: be selfish, wait until our world is uninhabitable and it’s too late for everyone else, and then upload and save ourselves. Or upload now and help everyone. It’s our moral and civic duty.     Olwu: \*message deleted\*     Matti: \*message deleted\*     Liz: Dress claimed! Sourdough starter still available.     Matti: Passing this book along: UPLOAD: Humanity’s New Stage and How It Can Benefit Us All.     Olwu: SERIOUSLY? @Moderator, please.     Matti: I’m sorry, are there rules about what we’re allowed to give away on this group?     Olwu: So if someone was trying to give away a gun, would you be okay with THAT?     Matti: \*eye-roll 3D gif\* Yeah, that’s exactly the same.     Steph: I’m sorry, but what would be the problem with giving away a gun? It’s probably illegal to not allow that.     Sima (moderator): Guns are not allowed, and let’s steer clear of anything having to do with uploading, too, please. I have a day job, you know. I can’t spend every second monitoring this group.     Matti: Four people already asked for the book, so whatever. I messaged the first one. Everyone else, if you have Amazon citizenship, they can target-drop the book from a satellite within 20 minutes.     Olwu: Oh, so now we’re also ADVERTISING in this group? In that case, everyone should know that I teach an aerial fitness class on Tuesdays at 4:30 A.M., for people serious about caring for their bodies (AND keeping them). Cost is one hundred credits a year. Contact me for more info.     Matti: Like I said, people have literally asked for the book. I’m just being helpful.     Olwu: Yeah, SUPER helpful to suck people into volunteering to die.     Matti: \*message deleted\*     Matti: \*message deleted\*     Matti: That’s not what uploading is.     Matti: That’s actually the opposite of what uploading is.     Steph: Hey, can I get the information about that fitness class?     Olwu: Messaging you now.     Liz: Dress available again. People, if you’re going to ask for something, please actually come _pick it up_!     Steph: Oh, sorry, my bad! I’ll come tomorrow.     Liz: Do you want sourdough starter also, since you’re coming anyhow?     Steph: No thanks.     Keira: Hey everyone, I don’t want to start up the whole upload debate again, but for those who have already decided to upload—while you’re saving the rest of humanity, why not also help them out by giving them the corporeal stuff you no longer need? I’m collecting for the non-profit Left Overs for the Left Behind. They have a wishlist _here_. Monetary donations also accepted.     Matti: Really appreciate it, Keira, and I hope the SAUs don’t come after you too hard.     Steph: SAU?     Matti: Selfish Anti-Uploaders.     Olwu: \*message deleted\*     Olwu: \*message deleted\*     Olwu: \*message deleted\*     Olwu: \*3D gif emoji of a rabbit rolling its eyes and then jumping off a cliff\*     Liz: I hope this isn’t a rude question, Matti, but since you’re such a strong supporter of Uploading, why are you still here?     Matti: It is a rude question, but you’re not the first person to ask it. Just so you know, Uploading is not in the cards for everyone. It’s a very complicated and personal decision.     Matti: In my case, given my qualifications, I feel that I can better support the Uploading project by staying here on Earth and helping others to Upload.     Matti: And that’s all I have to say on the subject.     Olwu: Good, because you are totally breaking the group rules just by saying that much.     Matti: \*message deleted\*     **\*Jeri has joined the group\***     Olwu: Five containers of oat milk. Expired yesterday, but in my experience they’re good for QUITE some time after their expiration date.     Liz: Heirloom organic sourdough starter!     **\*Jeri has left the group\***     Keira: Hey, anyone looking to get rid of a Honda minivan?     Olwu: Okay, you know anyone actually GIVING AWAY a car is an uploader, right?     Keira: I don’t know and I don’t care. Not my business.     Cassandra: We might be willing to give away our Honda, actually. It’s an XPL3 with the pediatric tranquilizer darts installed.     Keira: Thanks anyhow, we’re looking for one with leather seats.     Liz: Dress available again. Please only respond if you can pick up _this week_!! Heirloom organic sourdough starter also still available. Its lineage goes all the way back to one of the original 2020 batches!     Olwu: Five containers of slightly expired oat milk, 3 bags frozen strawberries. Must take all. Must pick up TODAY.     Liz: I have some errands to run, so if anyone wants the heirloom organic sourdough starter with the 2020 lineage, I can deliver it to you!     Cassandra: Playground set. It’s bolted into the ground with concrete, but if you have the ability to dig that up, take it apart, take the swingset away, and also reseed my backyard, it’s yours.     Olwu: Why do you need to reseed your backyard? To make it easier to give away your HOUSE?     Keira: Oooh, I’m interested in the house.     Cassandra: I’m not giving away my house!     Cassandra: Yet. \*gif emoji of an alien winking\*     Olwu: Could someone PLEASE send me link to the anti-Upload whatsapp group?     Steph: _BodiesareBasic_     Olwu: Thanks.     Liz: Dress available again. Here are seven pictures of it so you can see how pretty it is! Must pick up today!!!!     Liz: Also available: bag of assorted maternity clothes, assorted kids’ books, heirloom organic vegan 2020-lineage sourdough starter, and two dozen cans of organic kale!     Liz: All taken except the sourdough starter.     Matti: I formed a new group, _Uploaders Offloading_, for those who are tired of the hypocrisy and moral hysteria on this group and are ready to either move with humanity into the future or at least benefit from those who are willing to take that brave step. From now on, I will only be giving away stuff on that group, and I encourage everyone to join me.     Joyce: Cool name!     Matti: Thanks.     Matti: @Liz, just wanted to make sure you saw this.     Liz: Thanks. I’m starting my Upload in three weeks(!), so I’m going to be leaving this group soon anyhow.     Liz: I’ll miss you guys!     Liz: But in the meantime, @Matti, can you ask if anyone in that group wants sourdough starter?